I am calmness.
He poured a bottle of honey down the sink.
I am calmness.
He lay on top of his younger baby brother and then covered his head with a blanket.
I am calmness.
He put the block in the olive oil his older brother had poured on his plate. And the older brother threw the block on the floor.
I am calmness.
He squeezed toothpaste into a bucket of drinking water I had brought from the well to use when the power went out.
I am calmness.
He bit a candle. Luckily, he spat it out. He took milk without permission and spilled it all over the kitchen and living room. He pulled the electrical outlet out of the wall. He tore out the last tomato we grew (we had four, but he destroyed them all).
“It’s 12:41 and I can’t take it anymore,” I wrote to my brother one day. With a similar list. (This is a compilation from two days, written down especially for you.)
I am a scattering of overstimulated nervous impulses, which a small thing can turn into a tornado. But I speak of myself differently.
I am calmness.
That’s how I think of myself when they fall asleep. That’s how I think of myself when I wake up in the morning. It’s easier then. I set reminders on my phone. To remember when I’m already in the storm of these and similar events.
One evening I was talking to God, and this one thing came to me. My identity, whose source is in Him. My strength, perfected in the chaos of helplessness.
Judges 6:24. The Lord is peace. John 14:27. The Lord gives peace. Galatians 5:22. Peace is the fruit of the Holy Spirit.
I don’t conjure reality. I don’t pretend. I don’t wish for myself. I build an inner image. By the Word. I learn about myself from His eyes. I settle into the Kingdom.
So that it could finally pour out of me transformed. Real calmness out of peace.
With poop in his underwear (because he was too busy with playing). With unscrewed bicycle parts (because he had to see how it works). With wet wipes dripping with water (because they weren’t wet enough).
I am calmness.
That’s what God says about me.
And what throws you off balance? And how are you feeling about it?
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