As a child, I collected stickers from Turbo chewing gums. I remember my mother giving me 5 cents and I would go to the shop next to our home to buy one. I remember that on the day of the big holiday I got Coca-Cola in a returnable glass bottle and salty sticks. I would dip them in the drink and bite off the soft part. I remember the first time I was in McDonald’s in Olsztyn – in primary school, on a trip with my class. In the Happy Meal set I found a Snoopy figure, which was my treasure for years. And those packets of sweets for Christmas hidden in a rag. I would decide thoughtfully what I would like to eat today. And for weeks I would dose myself with pleasure. I never ate most of the sweets from the packet except for this occasion.
But I also remember Kinder Surprise, which I always looked at but couldn’t have. Lego bricks – I loved building them in the home of one of my friends – but I never had them. Or a doll’s pram that I didn’t get because my dad convinced me that a bike would be cooler. I also remember Barbie dolls that I only played with at my friends’ homes.
As a child, I learned to celebrate big moments in a way that was special to me. Not necessarily expensive. Not necessarily lavish. As a child, I learned that you have to wait for certain things. Sometimes for a very long time. And that there are some things that I will never have. And there is nothing tragic about it. It’s simply how it is. What I have is more than enough for joy. That’s how I explained my lack. That’s how I started to learn moderation.
Today, as a mother, in a world of great desire and great availability, I face a difficult task. Because I would like to teach my sons the simplicity that I myself learned at home. And the world shouts at them that there is more. And tries to convince them that without it they will be less happy.
Our sons don’t watch TV or cartoons. They don’t see commercials or what you can have today. But they go to the shops with us or they look at what other children have. And there is a lot of it. Another toy car, another dinosaur, another book, another Lego set. Another place to go and see, play, experience. More and more suggestions for collecting some things. Gifts on every corner, on many occasions. Because they are children. More and more. And with every shopping – something. To drink, to eat. Something small. Because it is at the checkout, because it is watching us and is within reach.
Stop. I say stop many times. And sometimes I don’t. But it tires me. Because I see that when we are in Mozambique, every stick they find becomes a toy. And play is born in the imagination. And in our African home we have a lot of things for children. Because I think hard about the development of my sons. But sometimes, when Joseph asks me for empty boxes of food products and makes his own wonders out of them in the yard or in his room, I wonder what it is all about. And I try to think more and more wisely about choosing what I buy for my sons.
Mozambique stops me from collecting. First, because I don’t really have much to buy there. Second, because I won’t bring a lot from Poland in a few suitcases with the necessary things. Third, because I see how others around me have little and it straightens out my greedy Western thinking. Besides, we never know how long we’ll stay in one place. In the past, in case of a possible move, we would fit in one car because we had no furniture. Today, we don’t. And it’s a bit uncomfortable for me, I feel heavy with it. That’s why before every trip to Poland I go through all our stuff, including the toys. Together with Joseph, we choose what we’ll give to someone who would also like to play with it. I like that Joseph, although he uses toys until they fall apart, doesn’t cling to each thing. He decides what he could share with others. We try to do the same with everything we have.
I wouldn’t want my children to only want to have. On the other hand, I want to make them happy. I watch carefully and listen to what they like. As a child, I usually got presents that were supposed to develop me. And I, a mother, at first want to give them to my children as well. But then I remember that Barbie doll (or at least a fake one) that I never had, and then I regain balance. Let them have their wish fulfilled.
That’s why Joseph got something necessary for his fifth birthday, something that would develop him, and something completely unnecessary. But seemingly unnecessary – because is the sweetness that comes from a fulfilled wish unnecessary?
Let it be a balance for us, parents. Moderation and wisdom on this crazy journey – because the world shines, moves, makes sounds and pulls our children. Maybe it’s worth taking the batteries out from time to time.
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