I have no words. It’s because of goodbyes. And yet, when I left Gdansk, I was so afraid that it would take me a long time to build new close relationships. In Gdansk I lived for ten years and left there many friends. But when I shared with God my fears, He promised that wherever He puts me, He would bring people to me. That’s why now I cry.
I left Gdansk for Him, but everyday life – I mean work exceeding forty hours a week and conscientiousness – I connected with HER. For a year and a half, under new, stressful and difficult conditions I learned humility. SHE inspired me to accomplish the impossible and to be persevere on this road. Thanks to HER I learned to reach beyond misunderstandings and see the other person as He sees.
But serving in the foundation brought to me other people. SHE, with her unrepeatable laughter which disarmed reality. And SHE who allowed me to see how great things happen to a man who follows God uncompromisingly, no matter what others say.
And THEY. Girls with many breaks of theirs hearts. Girls that I could love. I will not forget the mornings with coffee and evenings with films. Difficult meetings at night in the police stations and more difficult goodbyes, because we get closer. Long Saturday mornings in pajamas and conversations difficult to say. All the hugs. Tears. And silence together.
And SHE. SHE who is home to me, pure joy, ordinary free being. As if there was no gap of experience between us and no distance in years. As if we met in a high school and had nothing serious to do yet. I am grateful for all our common delights over what God says and does. For the possibility of crossing borders and enjoying it. And for HER heart.
And I’m grateful to HER for all the Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays. For common prayers that did not end despite the distance. For welcome me when I came back from Mozambique with food in a non-working day. And for all the practical help. For trips together. And coffee at the gas station. And on Sundays stretching to the limit to dismiss the thought of Monday. And for the opportunity to watch the growth in the Lord when only He matters.
And these Sundays spent together looking for forest and water. Laying on the grass and staring at the sky. With them above and with HER, with whom we share our passion for missions. SHE taught me to speak directly about myself and to others. And this two MAN. HE, who when he looked, often saw similarly. And HE knew about mountains, pictures, books and writing. And HE, who had a sincere and sensitive look at things, and HE made me smile in every meeting. And… a worthy companion in playing table tennis! Thanks to THEM these Sundays were for me like in the student days, carefree. For THEM I am grateful.
And SHE, who was helping me in the fight against my limitation. When I was seven years old I did not manage to repeat a simple dance step. I still remember how I came home with a bitter thought that I could not dance. Over the years this thought has grown into my identity and blocked the body. Until a certain meeting in Lodz. For a year and a half, once a week, SHE led me to freedom in movment and dance. When I think about it, I admire God’s diligence in planning our lives. I did not have to receive it but thanks to HER I discovered the freedom of the body of which I had no idea. And the joy flowing of this. And yet for HER sensitivity and attention to another person I am grateful.
And THEY. In the bible school and in the church. Pastors and directors of the school. Two generations. And everyone with whom I had the privilege to share life there. Those who believed with me in my “impossible”. Soon after I arrived in Lodz, God began to show me further steps. Over time, I began to wonder why He had brought me here for not so long? But God showed that I could go further only from Lodz. There, He put people beside me who believed with me. The Word says that:
Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1
And when we need to make decisions but what we see shout at us louder that the invisible on the basis we live, sometimes we need people who at times of our doubt will help us. And when I did not see, there was always someone next to me who said it was, though not visible. The church is also to believe with us in our impossible.
It was not always the case. I did not have many people around. At that time, I had someone close around whom there was always plenty of them. I asked how to change it in my life. – Just love them – he replied. Then I knew little about love. Then I did not yet receive His love fully, so that I could love others without expectations and against emotions. But I started. And I prayed for friends. Simply. I write about it, because someone asked me about this dimension of loneliness. And I know that there is the answer – in coming to Him. And in love others.
Now, in the face of the new, I think about it again. If there, far away, I will find friends? People with whom I can share my life? But the Lord calms me down that they are already there. The close ones.