Sometimes I wake up in the morning and try to remind myself how I got here. As a child, I imagined my future at the desk. Either as a clerk or a writer. I did not dream about long journeys. I dreamed of predictability. When I started following Jesus, my dreams were wider. But not about missions. The missions were someone else’s exotic stories. Until the day God presented His plan to me. It took 10 years before I hit the road.
Sometimes I wake up in the morning and find it hard to understand that I am lying in bed in Africa. And that this is my home. And I think about how I got here. About every single step. About every little decision. When I made them, I did not know what would happen next. I knew what God was telling me now. And I followed it. It was enough to lead me all the way here. It will be 5 years now that I am in Mozambique with the thought that I will stay longer.
Sometimes I wake up in the morning and ask myself if it’s really worth it. We get sick more often here. Here I feel physically weak more often. Here, paradoxically, life is much more expensive than in Poland. I don’t have close people here and I often feel lonely. Here Jo grows mainly with us adults. It can be dangerous here. This is where I spend the best years of my life, when I should be earning money and securing the future. (Someone even told me before leaving that missionaries often come back after many years burned out, with debts and a hole in their CVs. I remember it that way.) We don’t have our own place here. Only a car that breaks down several times a month. The list goes on.
Sometimes I wake up in the morning and see myself as if from above. And this list grows before my eyes open wide. And then I remind myself Who brought me here. In details. And why I stayed. Why am I still staying. Jesus is my only reason. The only One for which it is worth giving up everything. Lose everything. In Mozambique, I have to come back to this truth almost every day. Take care of it. Refresh it. Otherwise, I would have left long ago.
Jesus is my reward. And looking at everything He does here. Not the ocean or palm trees, fresh coconuts, mangoes and pineapples, huge avocados or the sun almost all year round – as some people see it. Jesus, who is enough. I am reminded of a dream I dreamed in 2016. About how I was in Mozambique and how someone needed my help in the middle of the night and it was inconvenient for me. God said: “You have the right to rest, sleep at night. After all, the night is for sleeping, and you are tired. You may not go with them, but then you will not see how I work.” Then I made the decision that I was going to Mozambique. Today I know that I have not yet seen what God told me then. What He had in mind then had not yet happened. And today I am waiting impatiently to see how He works. To participate in it.
Sometimes I wake up in the morning and think about all the people God is calling now. For far away missions and close missions. About the cost. And about the fact that it is worth it. About various ways. And about One God. About us as one, preparing for Him. Until He comes again.
Where is God calling you? And what worries you the most? Will you go anyway? Tell yourself. You can also tell me, if you want to.