One day, I won’t be their whole world. It’s hard to believe when David searches for my breast in the middle of the night because, without his little nighttime milk snack, he can’t fall back asleep. It’s hard to believe when Francis calls out that he’s done poo and needs me to wipe him. And […]
Thoughts
Not having a place
I can’t believe Poland is getting close again. And yet, I haven’t even dreamed yet of walking the streets of Gdansk after dark with a cup of coffee in my hand. Somehow, over the past few years, something inside me has been telling me that it was time to set out. To be with people […]
Not Everything Will Be Okay
More often than I would like, I am afraid. Afraid for my children’s health. Afraid of who they will grow up to be, because I don’t always handle my own emotions well. Afraid for their safety in Mozambique. Afraid of how living at two ends of the world — as if only partly belonging to […]
Helpless mom
I had to slow down. I stopped reading books to my children before bed. I burned dinner. I stopped weaning Francis. It was hard for me to change his diaper because I had to cope without carrying a fourteen-kilo two-year-old. We didn’t have preschool classes with Joseph once this week. I let the children paint […]
His ways
When we were there for the first time, the road was long and tedious. It was probably the tiredness of that day. Or maybe a bit of the delight of the new place and its details, which stopped me every now and then. We left the car on the red ground, ploughed by deep holes, […]
The white
I will always be white. I used to think that after some time, I would become a local. I used to imagine a house without walls or security. A place where anyone could come. I used to imagine myself in the yard, like other Mozambicans, surrounded by people. Today, I live in a house with […]
No photos
I’ve seen it many times. A smiling Westerner who embraces and hugs a Mozambican with emotion. But with one hand. Because in the other one he holds a phone and is taking a selfie. I’ve seen it more than once. A Mozambican who can’t say “no” because he’s just been given a gift. So it’s […]
What do you usually think about?
I do not think about what could have happened. I think about what God has already provided. Options, ways out, scenarios – stories quickly form in our heads. It’s easy to follow your thoughts – first, second, third, etc., until you find yourself the same as the imaginations to which you have given your attention. […]