Within a few seconds something had happened, something I would later need in Mozambique. I must have looked absurd staring at a toothbrush and toothpaste in my hands. To weep on board over accessories to brush your teeth. But the truth of the matter is nobody saw what had happened inside my heart. That toothbrush and toothpaste became the ultimate assurance from the Father that His supplies would not run out. Whatever I would face, He would help me and this took away the fear in me.
When God puts a desire in your heart, He also provides everything that is needed for its fulfillment. I needed courage, close relationships and money. All this was provided. In the last post I wrote about how He provided money. Here I will share stories about courage and people.
I remember well the darkness in my flat and my wide open eyes.There were nights when I suddenly woke up with the feeling that I was falling down, without ground under my feet and with a question: Am I already in Mozambique and is it forever? I remember that I was terrified. I had a feeling that I do not control my life. This is what it was like when God began talking to me about the mission trip. I wrote about it in my first post.
It was a time when I sometimes desired to be little Anna again. To go back to the house where I grew up. Where I do not remember any evil, where I did not have to make big decisions. Sometimes, during this period I would ask myself why I left Gdansk. I just wanted to go to cafes again, to read books and write down nice words. At times, I would imagine that I had not heard anything about missions.
I felt lonely. Even if I had been able to name that which was going on inside me, it would not have helped. Although I could share my heart with others, I had to take responsibility, by myself. It is so, I guess, that in some sense we walk the road alone.
But at the same time God began talking to me about home. That He is my home (Ps. 91:1, 27:5, 31:20, 32:7, 61:4, 119:114, 139:15), my shelter, security, certainty, stabilization. It wasn’t about my family home, Gdansk, Lodz, my apartment, work nor friends. But about Him. Wherever I am, there is my home, because He is with me. He taught me that the sustainability of the ground under my feet does not depend on the place, the conditions in which I live, the people around me or finances. On a different, new level He taught me once again dependence on Him and independence from the rules of the world.
Wherever you will follow Jesus, there is your home, because He is with you. The Most High is my home.
This revelation became the source of my courage. Because in God’s Kingdom there is enough courage to realize God’s plan.
In God’s Kingdom there is enough courage to realize God’s plan.
That October day I went to the airport straight from a church service. I regretted that none of the people who had been with me there could fly with me. At the same time, I was grateful for all who had accompanied me on this journey, though they were not with me. Then, on the bus, I wrote theirs names, those closest to me, thirty eight people. People who had encouraged me, financially supported me, had a good word for me, listened to me when I was uncertain, advised me on various issues, lent me things I needed there. People who had hugged me to say goodbye. And those who waited for my return.
It would seem that this trip to Mozambique was just my thing. But that’s not true. You will never realize a desire that God puts into your heart by yourself. God plans it in a way that you need others to accomplish it. But in God’s Kingdom there are enough people to help you realize God’s plan.
In God’s Kingdom there are enough people to help you realize God’s plan.
Sitting on my seat on board in Frankfurt, a moment earlier a stewardess had asked me if I could change my seat because two people wanted to sit together, I kept repeating all the promises God had given me before I left. But I could not get rid of the stress. Even the words, which until now had placed me in a position of certainty, did not help. Abraham went out, not knowing where he was going, but he knew who sent him.* I repeated these words but nothing changed.
Besides, it was my seventh hour of travel, I still had sixteen ahead of me. I realized that I had brushed my teeth twelve hours earlier and would not be able to brush them before arriving. I had left my toothbrush and toothpaste in the main luggage. With all the stress I had, this realization was one too many. As I was trying to cope with my feelings, the stewardess returned and handed me a box, to thank me from the airline. At that moment I counted on finding inside one thing – chocolate. I began to pull out various items necessary for the journey, such as socks, earplugs, lipstick, chocolates and…
I must have looked absurd staring at the toothbrush and toothpaste in my hands. To weep on board over accessories to brush your teeth. But the truth of the matter is, nobody saw what had happened inside my heart. The toothbrush and toothpaste became the ultimate assurance from the Father that His supplies would not run out. Even in Mozambique. He cares about such details, like comfort on my trip. The certainty was within me that whatever I will face, He would help me. Then I stopped being afraid.
*I can’t remember the author.